Butterfly Underwear
by autumnsbeginning
Summary: When Allie finds a pair of lucky underwear, she thinks they'll help Justin to notice her. But little does she know that nothing can change God's plan for her. FINISHED!
1. A Shy Schoolgirl With a Crush

Chapter 1

The drive home from Tia Christie's house in California was boring, of course. I spread out all of my junk on the backseat of the minivan borrowed from Nonno and Nonna. The youth pastor, Kristen, had assigned chapters five through ten of Acts to me to read while I was away. It wasn't a lot, and on the way home I ended up reading the entire book. I didn't know whether she would smile and tell me 'good job' or scold me for reading ahead. Kristen wasn't old and grumpy like the adults that taught the middle school Sunday school and youth group… she was in her mid-twenties, single, and wild. Known for her crazy mood changes and her funny comebacks, no one knew why this woman wasn't married. Even the boys had to wonder at it.

The whole trip I'd been preparing myself to put my plan into action. It was the perfect time to do it, especially while quality time with my Tia was at a high. I now had an education in comebacks and a few lessons in hair-doing. And some advice about a certain somebody named Justin. Justin, my goal and my future husband. My challenge.

Do I sound sappy? Because if I'm being sappy, just tell me to snap out of it, and I'll get on with my story.

Now, Justin was one of those guys that you could never get. And they all said that _women_ were complicated. Ha. Not when it came to Justin. You never knew when he was being serious or not… and when you caught him being serious, you know something had to be wrong. I hadn't known him before he came to our church a few years ago, but I still am sure that he must have been the class clown all while growing up. He was a year older than me, a to-be senior. Despite his funny personality, I knew he had a great relationship with God.

That is, even though he had a habit of "lightening up" (as he called it) devotionals that were supposed to be deep and serious. His off-the-wall comments got the whole group laughing, even Kristen, who was the one that normally planned these insightful Bible studies. Ah, yes, I could go on and on about how funny he is.

But, instead, I'll describe him to you. Long, curly black hair, brown eyes that clashed with his hair, thin lips, and angular face. Not exactly good-looking, but his personality told you that he didn't care what he looked like, and if he wanted to be popular he would be. According to me, he could be popular, but he chose to hang out in his Group, as I called it to myself.

I'm one of those people that could care less what a guy looked like… "Your personality makes your face". See, I can be profound! Yes, the author of cheesy Dr. Seuss rhymes that get B's in Language Arts can be meaningful, too. It's possible.

Well, anyway, somewhere during my ninth grade year I had decided that I was going to marry Justin Hughes. That was the year that he came… and the minute I laid eyes on him I knew he was the one.

Okay, I'm going sentimental again. But anyway, that was before I realized his personality. That just made me afraid of him. I never knew whether he was serious or not, and it was so hard to tell. But I still had my plan. I was going to marry this guy whether he liked it or not. It wasn't as if guys shouted "EEEEEW" when they saw me.

The first moment alone with Tia Christie, and she was asking me how The Plan was working.

With a blush and a self-conscious smile, I sat down by the pool and dipped my feet in as she looked up at me with those dark pools of eyes as she lay on her float in the middle of the pool. "I haven't really _started_ it, actually."

Her mouth formed an O in mock astonishment in her dramatic way as she said, "You haven't started it!" Her long, curly, black hair was spread out on the water in dark waves behind her head and she smiled. "Well, as soon as we go back to your home, we're going to get you started on your Plan." She leaned back onto her gaudy pink float and grinned wider. "I had a Plan when I was your age, too, you know."

I leaned forward, the water wetting my Capri jeans that ended at the middle of my calves. "Did it work? Was Tio your Plan?"

My aunt now sat up, and the edges of her float came up out of the water as she straddled it to look at me. "When I first met him when I was a freshman, I decided that I wanted to date him. When I started hanging out with him, girl, I fell in love with him. And I determined that I was going to make him feel the same for me."

"And this 'him' is…" I pressed.

"Who do you think? Your Tio," Tia Christie smiled at the memory. _Of course,_ I thought_, whenever Christie sets her mind to something, she gets it. _I wished I could be more like her… and that was when I resolved that I was going to finish my Plan correctly, more determined than ever. Nothing was going to stop me… not even Justin's most disarming comebacks.

"Tia, you know Justin?"

"You've told me all about him, _Bella_," Christie said. '_Bella_' was her nickname for me, because my last name was Bell. Her nickname meant 'pretty' in Italian, and since my mom's side of the family was almost entirely Italian, it was fitting. I, though, had inherited Papa's blonde hair, along with my sister Katie.

"Well, then you know that he is good with comebacks," I sighed. No, it was worse than that. Justin's version of flirting was a series of comebacks thrown back and forth. And I was the one that normally broke that chain after a few retorts, so he never flirted with me long enough for my satisfaction.

"And, let me guess, you need some help with your own, right?" Tia Christie's eyes were laughing… and I was sure it was at me. And so it was that I had asked Christie's help. And I got a lot more than that.

I got makeup, instructions on how to use it correctly, a book full of do-it-yourself hairstyles and some of Christie's own, and several lessons on comebacks and flirting.

* * *

But now, as I stood with my Bible in one hand and nothing in my other, I wasn't so sure about any of it. I'd walked in the door of Kristin's house, where she liked to hold youth group, and was about to sit down on the stools by the island in the kitchen and wait for everybody else to arrive when Justin appeared, probably out of the bathroom.

I took a handful of goldfish and poured a glass of lemonade from the pitcher sitting on the counter as he came into the kitchen. "Want some?"

"Oh, hey, Alliebelle!" That was their nickname for me. My first name was Allie, so when they put those two together it ended up as Alliebelle, sort of like Annabelle except with an 'Allie' at the beginning, they said. I blushed at my nickname and looked up at him expectantly, my hand poised with the pitcher and a cup in the other for him. "Sure, I'll take some. Thanks."

He was being very polite that day. Kristen came out and hugged me and I told her triumphantly of my readings over the trip. I told the two of them and gradually the people that joined us of my adventures over the last two weeks with my Tia Christie. Kristen was fascinated with my Italian relatives.

And those were the only words that Justin spoke to me that evening. I laughed at all his silly comments, and once he smiled at me during devotions. But that was all. I kept replaying that smile in my mind's eye as I drove home that night, like a shy schoolgirl with a crush.

* * *

Christie was waiting at the kitchen table for me when I got home. I laughed when I saw the package of Oreos and two glasses of milk waiting patiently for my return. Christie was spending the next month with us while Mama and Papa were gone on vacation. They said every couple needs a while by themselves, and I was more than happy to hear that Tia was the one that would watch us since I wasn't eighteen yet and my parents didn't trust me for more than a few nights watching Katie. Katie didn't really need to be watched, though, since she was fifteen, but I guess they felt better with Christie staying with us.

"How'd it go, _Bella_?" Tia Christie asked.

I plopped down on the chairs and sat cross-legged as I dipped my Oreo in my glass of milk. "He only said hi and I poured him a glass of lemonade."

Tia looked confused, so I told her about how the evening went. I told her every word the guy said, and when I was done, she shook her head with a smile. "You've got it bad, girly."

And then I realized that, yes, I did have it bad. And I was ready to swear in Italian like Tia had taught me when I was little. I didn't want to "have it bad". That would mean being nervous and obsessed… like a shy schoolgirl with a crush.


	2. Butterfly Underwear

_**Chapter 2**_

Shopping with Tia Christie was the most fun thing in the world to do. Plus she was rich, so that helped, too. I was generally _broke_, so I couldn't really buy anything myself. That's where Tia came in. She bought me new clothes, saying that in these 'sexy thangs' that I'd blow Justin's mind away.

Christie had many different personalities. And if anyone asked which personality was the real her, she'd be very offended, because they were _all_ the real her. She was flirtatious, wild, polite, Goody-Two-Shoes, and mysterious all rolled into one. The day we went shopping she was wild. Or rather, _went_ wild. With her credit card.

We can all thank God that her husband was a plastic surgeon and made tons of money. And that he was very kind and generous. And carefree, most of the time. I'll recant. He is carefree when he is _not_ working on faces. Sorry, Tio, if that lost you some business. Katie, my blessed sister, as I mentioned before, did not care to go shopping with us at Jockey and went to Claire's next door before we embarrassed her. Tia Christie said, however, that hot underwear always helped, especially in cases involving difficult men like Justin.

And so we went inside the store, bent on buying hot underwear.

The minute I saw the pair of black underwear laying on the table, I fell in love. The little butterflies embroidered onto the dark looked almost like they glowed against the black background. There was sort of a mysterious look to them, and when I ran my fingers over the fabric I was surprised that they were soft and smooth, like silk. And when I saw the red "Three for ten dollars" sitting atop the table, I nearly went wild.

Tia Christie was fingering a pink pair, but I was fixed on these butterfly-adorned underwear. And what a shame they only had one pair in my size. _Just figures_. So I pick one pair of those and went on to buy a pair of green striped ones and a pair of purple heart-covered ones. Not my style, but my size. I couldn't help it, and I had to get three. As I sat in the car marveling over my new clothes and underwear and Katie over her new pairs of earrings, I told myself that I would wear my butterfly underwear to youth group the next Sunday.

* * *

The phone rang. Kristen saying that her friend was in the hospital and she couldn't do youth group. Was it a sign from God?

Of course, in my lovesick mental state, I was contributing every little sign to God. I got new underwear and new clothes… and looked great in them, too. God wants me to impress Justin. There is no youth group. God doesn't want me to see Justin and impress him. Too confusing for me, really. I needed the help of an elder.

I really _was_ a shy schoolgirl with a crush, and I needed help. I was a junior-to-be! I didn't need to deal with any petty crushes. No, Justin was my soul mate, even though he didn't know it. Oh, here I am again, being sentimental and emotional. One would think that I really belonged in a world filled with Shakespeare and drama and passion.

Ha.

* * *

"_Bella_, you want to go down to Starbuck's with me? I need caffeine." That was Tia Christie, sitting across from me at the kitchen table and tapping her feet obnoxiously.

It was five o' clock at night. "It's five o' clock at night, Tia." She was going to be bouncing off the walls if she had any sort of coffee or chocolate. Or anything in general that contained sugar.

"_Mama mia,_" that was Christie's way of swearing. With my knowledge of Italian (which was not really a lot) I figured it meant 'my mama'. Then she giggled. "Your mama is gone, Allie. We can disobey her caffeine rules for one night. It isn't as if I'm some strict babysitter that won't let you talk on the phone for more than five minutes at a time because the parents might call."

I took a deep breath. "Well the last time I had caffeine it was when we went to a show in a big theatre with the youth group and we were all sipping Starbuck's and giggling and talking during the whole entire thing and we got in trouble by the guards and Kristen and the next morning when Kari called she told me that I was the only one that got sugar-high off of my drink and that I was the only one that got in trouble and that everyone thought I was weird because I thought I was cool because apparently the caffeine had screwed up my mind because I thought that everyone else was being giggly and talkative and wild while I was actually the only one and that's why I don't want to have caffeine right now because what if I ran into Justin and he'd think I was crazy and you know I don't want that."

Christie smiled at my run-on sentence. "Don't they teach kids punctuation in school anymore these days?"

"You sound like an old lady wondering whatever happened to the modest days," I observed, and with a tug on my arm she told me to go get changed so we could go to Starbucks.

* * *

I, of course, had put on my butterfly underwear. I had no occasion to save them, since we didn't have youth group that night. With a sigh, I let Christie pull me into Starbuck's for a five o' clock iced French vanilla mocha. My favorite, especially when it was hot.

And the minute that Justin walked in with two of his friends, oh man did the room get hot. It was probably only me because I could feel my cheeks start on fire the minute he noticed me. And came over.

I sipped my mocha as he said, "Alliebelle!"

"Justin," I replied, embarrassed at the public use of my nickname. What else was I supposed to say? I was hoping the little pieces of ice in the drink were cooling down my cheeks and I instantaneously began wiping around my mouth to kick out any dabs of stray whipped cream. Luckily there were none.

I was just waiting for him to say something sarcastic. He sort of laughed and said, "You sure you need caffeine?"

"If you're referring to my previous caffeine episode, then—" I was quite proud of myself for my superior use of my vocabulary. Ha.

He laughed fully now and introduced his friends as Nick and Michael. Michael, though, I already knew from a few nights at youth group. "Well, see you Sunday."

"Yeah," I said dumbly. Christie was just sitting there with this silly smile plastered onto her face, and I knew that the teasing was coming. _Nice, Allie. You handled that well._


	3. Embarrassment and Good Luck

**Chapter 3**

Our first letter from my parents came that day, too. Apparently they were having a wonderful time in paradise… who wouldn't? After all, it _was_ paradise. Well, compared to school, time with Christie during the summer was bliss to me. Along with running into Justin at Starbucks. Even though I didn't handle it that well.

That was the first time that Tia had ever seen the love of my life. Even she, who was married, had to agree that his curly dark hair was… captivating. Oh, that curly dark hair. And so it was that I sat on my front steps, halfway through reading the letter from Mama and Papa when I found myself daydreaming about him.

I had already gone through what the 'Starbucks Incident' should have been like. What it would be like in my head from that moment on. That was how I covered for mishaps much like youth group and the one that happened only an hour before. I imagined them going differently.

I suddenly noticed that there was another pair of feet beside my own. They were tan but I knew of the sandal tan that lay underneath those pink flip-flops. "You don't look like you're reading the letter."

Of course, Tia Christie always had to notice. "No, I'm not. Tia, I need more help with _him_."

By now, if I emphasized the word 'him' she knew I was talking about Justin. "You did okay, _Bella_. Now, for a Coke to cheer your day up." _Bet it won't cheer my love life up_.

It was one of those plastic-bottled ones, not the kind you buy in a six pack at the local grocery store. These were the ones that I liked, and Christie must have known about it. I twisted off the cap and watched the little bubbles rise up. And looked under the cap. No matter whether everybody said the contests were fakes, I always checked. I mean, you're not going to win if you never look, right? And I screamed.

Tia nearly jumped off the step, but soon was pulling me back down beside her. "Don't hurt yourself, _Bella_." Her words hid teasing, but I was too enthusiastic to use one of her own comeback lessons against her. I had just won one of those so-called impossible contests. "Oh, what did you win?"

By now Katie had jumped out of her seat in the computer room and was looking at me with the oddest look on her face. I showed her the cap and she raised one eyebrow. "It's just a DVD player."

"It's not so much the prize, Katie," I said. "It's the fact that I won. Thanks for your enthusiasm." You know what; I swear it was the computer games that were sucking the common sense right out of her brain. She didn't even have a sense of style anymore.

I notified Kari, my youth group friend, (the one that took the liberty of telling me about my caffeine buzz) about how I'd just won one of those impossible-to-win bottle-cap contests. And she was ecstatic. More so when I told her that we already had three DVD players in our house and that she could have the one I won. Kari didn't have one in her room.

"I bought a TV a few weeks ago with money from my job," Kari said. Her job didn't pay much. It was babysitting. Still. "But I was still saving up for a player. Key word: _was_. You're so nice, Allie. Thanks so much."

"You're so welcome," I replied.

Then I commenced to sitting on the porch and reading a book while my cat took a nap at my feet. I was careful not to move the rocking chair and catch her tail underneath. It was then, while I was engrossed in the tensest part of my book that the phone rang. I was grumpy at first, then…

"Hi, Alliebelle," said a teasing voice at the other end. "Heard you won a DVD player."

I was rendered speechless by Justin's voice at the other end. Why hadn't I checked the caller ID? Why hadn't I prepared myself for talking to him? Oh… "Coke bottle contest," was all I could think to say. _Think, you stupid girl, THINK!_ "Who told you?" _Sure, interrogate him, Allie. He really needs that. He's probably having a bad day and you just made it worse... _I was being paranoid.

"You know how the grape vine works," and here came a sarcastic comment, I just knew it: "Or wait, Goody-Two-Shoes Allie doesn't know how the grape vine works."

And what was I supposed to say to this? "What a great conversation opener." Ha. Go Allie. _I just wanted to thank Tia Christie for her comeback lessons, and Mama and Papa for being awesome parents; I never could have done it without you…_

But then, all hope died when he ignored my comment. He noticed it, I told myself. It just wasn't a great conversation opener itself. "Well, Kristen told us to start a chain through the whole youth group to tell everybody that there will be youth group on Sunday."

"Too lazy to call us herself, huh?" Hehe.

"What's new?" Justin said sarcastically. "Anyway, talk to you later, Allie Cat."

And he hung up. He just called me Allie Cat. Was that my new nickname? News to me… that was my dad's name that he called me. And then I remembered my humiliating day. I hadn't remembered the nickname-calling because of my humiliation that happened moments later.

It was the youth group retreat, which always included a whitewater rafting trip down the Poudre River as the grand finale. This meant: matted hair, tired legs and arms, soggy underclothing, wet socks and shoes that made squishing sounds when you walked, and comatose, snoring, and damp teenagers on the drive home. Poor drivers.

But, of course, that wasn't the worst part. At least for me. I had been praying to not be in Justin's boat the entire time, for the sake of my matted, soggy, hair and flat bangs that would present themselves to him and whoever looked once I took my helmet off. But that, too, was not the worst part. That part comes later, right after the biggest rapid we'd be going on.

I ended up in his boat. Right behind him and his sexy Hawaiian-style swim trunks and his bare chest underneath his life vest. And me and my two-year-old tennis shoes that Mama insisted I wear for the white-water rafting trip, my old swimsuit from last year, and clothes that were already sticking to me and my swimsuit because of the sweat. I was about to curse the sweat when the boat high sided and our side did not go high enough and I ran into Justin and was knocked out of the boat. And that wasn't even half of it.

We went through level three and four rapids, had a wonderful time. Especially when we backpaddled. That meant leaning back, and oh man when Justin leaned back he was close… even if it was just his life jacket touching my knees.

Our paddles ran into each other quite often. On one of these occasions, he'd said, "I knew you wanted to touch my paddle." I had just giggled, not knowing what to say. I couldn't have said anything, because seconds later we were pelted by instructions from our guide. "Forward two!" "Back three!" "Stop!" And we were over the hardest rapid of the entire trip. Our last, too. I was disappointed, though after "the whitewater incident" as I call it I couldn't have been more eager to go home and mourn my embarrassment.

Justin is very sarcastic, if I hadn't told you so already. Just a little tip for understanding as I tell you about the minutes following the big rapid.

The guide parked our boat and instructed Justin to jump out and hold the boat to shore. And with that she left with the rope bag to stand on top of the boulder beside the rushing whitewater. "Just in case there are any swimmers," she'd said. "The boats have a tendency to come this way, so if you see one coming toward the boat, have Allie jump out and help you hold the boat. If you want to, you can have her jump out now," she added to her statement.

"I want," was what Justin replied with. And for a few split seconds I hadn't gotten the sarcasm in his voice. I leaned back to put my feet over to the other side, but felt myself going backward. Down, down, down… and instead of _smack _I heard (and felt) something that sounded like _plumph_. That _plumph _meant, of course, that Justin had caught me as I was trying to get out of the boat.

Embarrassed and surely with a face that was bright red, I crawled back into the boat. Everybody else in the boat, especially Keri, was laughing at my hysterically. I just smiled and settled my paddle on my lap. Dad's boat came down (he was one of the chaperones that came with us on the trip) and he yelled to me, "Hey, Allie Cat!"

Justin laughed at my dad's nickname for me, but just then we heard a "splash" over the river noise. It was my dad, bobbing in the water, orange life jacket flashing a bit of itself here and there amid the whitewater. Lisa threw him the rope bag, and he was brought to shore. I wanted to go and hug him, because all thirty seconds he was in the water I was scared to death.

After all the cheers from everybody, I heard a voice behind me said, "Hey, Allie, want to help me with the boat?"

I turned and glared at him and his teasing grin and turned to watch Dad, shivering and shaking, and that must have been how Justin discovered my other nickname, Allie Cat. And that was the most embarrassing moment of my life.


	4. A Tragedy Worthy of Shakespeare

Chapter 4

Every time I wore those underwear—the ones with the butterflies on them—I realized something good happened. From winning the contest to seeing Justin to getting a free video rental at the place downtown for being the 100th customer that month, something awesome always happened the day I put them on. And that's when I got the idea to use them for youth group on Sunday, which happened to be one day away.

I, however, was not wearing the underwear when Kari called with grapevine news. Yes, no matter what Justin said, I was part of a very remote branch of the church grapevine. Nobody really even knew that I heard some of the news, because I never started any of it or never talked about it with anyone other than Kari.

And the minute I heard her news, all of my hopes crashed.

"Oh, you'll never guess what happened!" Kari said.

"Who?" I said unenthusiastically, going through all of the hoops that were required when talking to Kari. When she reported something from the grapevine, you normally had to prod her. Either she wanted to be prodded—for the sake of drama, she said for some reason—or she had gotten off the subject. Kari tended to do that when she told stories.

"Justin."

That got my attention. "What?"

"Brianna."

Oh no. "You mean, the 'what' is Brianna?"

"They're finally an item," I prayed what she said was just something the grapevine had mixed up or even conjured. Maybe they'd been seen at the mall talking or something but it was really nothing… I was making no sense. Of course, what was I thinking? I'd seen them flirting several times at youth group, just had tried to deny it. No, Justin was _mine_. But now I realized that it wasn't true, he was not mine and was free to date other girls. Like Brianna.

"Oh," was all I could say. Of course, Kari could not have broken it any nicer to me. She didn't even know of my secret love for Justin. _Ha. Secret love._ More like obsessive crush. That I'd had for years. "That's cool." _Smooth, Allie._

"It was bound to happen, really. I mean they've liked each other for so long…" Kari's voice slowly drifted off, and though I could hear her jabbering still, I wasn't paying attention to what she said. I would rather wallow in my own misery than hear her chat cheerfully about my fate…

Tia Christie, of course, was wondering why I was so down after that phone call. After some prodding I sighed and blurted everything out. "Kari called with news from the church grapevine and was jabbering all very cheerfully about how Justin and this other girl Brianna are practically in love and they're finally an item officially and how they were made for each other and how they liked each other for so long and how it was about time that they got together and I know it will be all very horrible when I go to youth group tomorrow because everyone will know they're an item and they'll be all over each other and I will have to deal with it and it's all terrible because I'm the one who is really supposed to end up with Justin and this is not exactly how I planned for things to go in my mind!"

I could tell Tia Christie was trying not to laugh at my very peculiar way of explaining all of this. When I was upset or angry or excited I always blurted things out speedily and all in one sentence.

"You poor thing," Christie said, her whole face—except for her mouth, which was suppressing a grin—displaying pity for my tragedy. "Don't you hate men?", and when she looked surprised, I explained, "No, I don't despise him. I despise Brianna. She's the one that took my spot. I should be the one that's holding his hand, going to the mall with him, going on dates with him, being congratulated by Kristen and enduring the whispers and knowing smiles by his side?"

"I think you're taking your crush to unneeded lengths," Tia Christie said with a smile. "I think if God wants you to end up with this Justin, then you'll end up with him."

That did not satisfy me, however. When I arrived at youth group the following night, I indeed had to endure Justin and Brianna's happiness. They were like newlyweds: holding hands, whispering conspiratorially about things, smiling at each other at random moments. And me, constantly watching them even though they didn't notice.

Okay, so it wasn't necessarily 'watching' them. I admit it, I was _glaring_ at them. And who wouldn't if they saw Justin in the same light I did? Oh, his hair… and here I go again. I'll spare you and skip that part of the story. You've already heard _all about _his hair, I'm sure. If not from me, from other Justin Groupies. I'm sure, with that hair of his, there are plenty more besides me out there. And they're all writing their tragic stories because none of them end up with him… I do!

Yes, despite all of the hand-holding and whispering and smiling done by Justin and his ditsy girlfriend, I clung tightly to the fact that no matter what, Justin _was_ going to marry me. Even if it meant that he and his girlfriend tragically break up due to some odd misunderstanding…

And some would ask, why would I go to such desperate measures? Oh, why oh why? Because, years ago, I'd vowed with all my heart that I was going to marry Justin, as sarcastic toward me and affectionate toward Brianna as he may be.


	5. God's Will

**Chapter 5**

When I was little, I used to be obsessed with the Disney movie 'The Aristacats'. A few of my parents' friends made fun of me whenever I talked about the movie, because I sounded like I was saying 'The Aristocrats.' I laughed about it only when I found out what the term meant.

That movie is where my Allie Cat nickname really actually originated. O'Malley the Alley Cat's song near the beginning of the movie always had me singing along, and one day I was walking around in the kitchen hugging my stuffed kitty (which, of course, was supposed to be the white baby kitty in the movie) and singing "I'm O'Malley the Alley Cat…" And that's when my dad started calling me Allie Cat. Of course, if I ever told Justin this… but no matter, it wouldn't happen.

I pushed the thought aside. My disappointment had long since turned to anger, but it was after I talked with Tia Christie that I finally realized who I was angry with.

"Are you sure you're mad at _him_?" asked Christie as we sat at the kitchen table over another glass of milk and some cookies. It was my comfort food, and Christie knew that, so the minute she saw me brooding she went out to buy Oreos.

I cleared my throat. "Who else would I be mad at?" I paused. "Besides Brianna?"

"Why should you be angry at him for ruining this dream of yours, when he didn't even know that the dream existed in the first place?" Christie asked. An explanation inside a question. Nice.

"Even if he did know of my Plan, it wouldn't stop him. He doesn't like me," I sighed, propping my cheek up with my fist.

"So what are you getting at? That he is not supposed to date anyone else just because you're in love with him?"

"I'm not in love with him," I mumbled.

"You merely wish to marry him," said Christie with mock understanding and sympathy. "Answer my question."

"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh on a girl who's just got her heart broken?" I asked with a frown. "I mean—"

Christie interrupted me. "Don't you think you're being a bit harsh on a guy who doesn't know he's done anything wrong?"

And that was the end of our conversation.

At youth group a few nights before I hadn't even looked at the flyer that Kristen had handed out. I had been too distracted. There were… other things that I needed to look at. Like Justin giving Brianna a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

Another thought I needed to push into the abyss of my brain. Not to be saying that my brain itself is an abyss…

Anyway, I picked up the blue sheet of paper and smiled. The youth group camping trip was coming up in two weeks. Why had I forgotten about that? There had been reminders about it being passed out every month since January. There had been advertisements on all of the bulletin boards in the church, and yet I'd completely forgotten about it. I needed to send in my money.

I looked over at the stack of church handouts and bulletins I had put nicely on my desk. I kept them for no reason other than the fact my desk looked quite bare and that there were notes from sermons on the 'notes' page. And, so far, I had had no reason to ever look at them again. Until now.

I pulled out the other blue sheet that said what the camp was going to be about. "God's Will…" it said, launching into an explanation. This year was definitely going to be interesting.


	6. My New Plan

**Chapter 6**

Despite what Christie said, I still was angry with Justin. For no reason, I finally told myself. But, as I thought about it, it all came down to me. I should really be angry with myself for making the Plan in the first place. My heart was supposedly 'broken' (when put dramatically) because I had let someone else break it. In the end, it wasn't Justin who had broken it, but me who had left it exposed and let Justin's actions disturb my feelings. Destroy my hope that the Plan would ever come true. It was my fault that I had ever 'liked' Justin in the first place, therefore my fault my feelings were hurt. If I had never had feelings for Justin, I would never have gotten them damaged.

The youth group camping trip came quickly, and for once in a lifetime I wasn't looking forward to it. I wasn't looking forward to doing anything with the youth group, since it would have to include Justin, too. And his girlfriend. _I really should be happy for them_, I told myself over and over again as I drove to the church parking lot early Monday morning. _But I'm not. I can't._

Loading my stuff in the car and knocking myself out with some carsickness medicine, I didn't pay attention to who I was riding with. They wouldn't notice me, for I would be asleep. It was better than being carsick on the drive in the mountains.

Three hours later we pulled into our campsite and while the guys unloaded the food, we girls set up tents. This year, the middle school would not be going with us. I assumed maybe we'd be getting into deeper stuff during devotions.

I was right.

That night, as we sat around the campfire while dark descended around us, Kristen began our devotion.

"In the mornings, we're going to be doing Bible devotions. At nights, we're going to have discussions. Our trip this week is going to be focusing on God's will. What God wants for us in relationships, our jobs, our friends, our parents… and what He wants for our lives in general as well."

Was I imagining it, or did Kristen glance at Justin and Brianna when she'd said 'relationships'? I listened as she continued.

"Despite what all of you say, the question 'who will I marry' does pop up in all of our heads a lot. And it should, because it's a very important thing in all of our lives. But suppose I'm worrying about it right now, but on God's timeline I won't get married for another five, six years. What use am I doing about worrying about it now? I'm sharing my opinion with all of you just because I felt that I needed to share my experiences. I regret spending all of my thoughts on this one subject instead of waiting for God's call.

"There is a reason why parents make a rule that you cannot date until a certain age. I personally that age should be eighteen or even better, older. What is the point in dating when you're in school? You can't marry. We can all agree that dating is not something to be messed around with. My parents say that when you date, you are looking for someone to marry. Well, nobody in high school that is planning to go to college anytime soon after graduating should be looking for someone to marry. I don't get the point of dating when you're as young as you all are now, because may I ask where this relationship is going to go? Most of the time, heartbreak."

There were many nods of agreement around the fire circle. My head was one of those participating.

"And why date and meet all these other people when the one for you is waiting to enter your path way out into the future? I'm not saying that you can't date now, but I would advise against it. There is really no point.

"The reason why I am bringing all of this up tonight is because of our theme this week: God's will. You can't change what God wants for you. So why date people that you know you don't have a good chance of marrying? That is, I'm not saying that two of you from this group couldn't end up together. I'm saying, why date now? Why not wait until your relationship could turn into something bigger and better? That's what it is about God's will, or God's call. You've got to be patient, listen, and pray about it. Now, before we have a discussion, I'm going to give you something to think about tonight, and I want you to apply it to every devotion we have this week. Are you ready to submit what you want to God?"

_Am I ready to submit what I want to God?_Kristen's words flooded my mind with sudden understanding. What was the point in worrying about whether I 'get' Justin or not? And even if he did have feelings for me, it wouldn't be best. We couldn't date.

I drowned out the protests and questions sounding from around the group and thought about Kristin's question. Man, it cut deep. _Am I ready to match my desires for myself to the ones that God has for me? _And then I remembered the Lord's Prayer. _"Your will be done"_.

I realized that my Plan might not be the one that God had for me, and no pair of underwear (no matter how brilliant the butterflies on them might be) could change that. My own will couldn't change that. Nothing on the face of the earth could change God's plan for me. And so, in prayer, I silently gave up my Plan, my underwear, and my anger and feelings for Justin.

I looked over at Justin, and for the first time since I met him I did not feel that feeling. I did not get the nervous, happy feeling in my stomach. I didn't see anything different about him, and I suddenly knew the change was not in him but in me. And that was when I realized that my Plan matched God's plan, only because my Plan was totally different now.


End file.
